Jean is off today, the weather is good and its up with the lark again. Jean goes back to bed after dropping ally off. I eventually wake up enuff to get us to speke missiom complete anniversary shopping. Easily sorted and after a celebratory 99 we chill. Back home quick chat to andrew and theen into town to meet mickey. We meet in the phiharmonic pub then after a quick pint we have to get across town to drop his keys with terry in a deal I don't get. A Subway chicken butty far from the gastronomic treat I had dreamt about. Then its off to the the phil to see genesis tribute band The Musical Box It was a faithful rendition of the 1975 Lamb Lies down on Broadway tour. bit weak on the vocal side but I am 25 years older and Peter Gabriel was one of a kind. Turned away from the phil initially but then get in and have the mandatory pee stop after two quickies its chuck out time and round to flutes it was pants quick pint and home.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Friday, April 29, 2005
Thursday Call me a mechanic
Jean rings to say she got a flat. I call Jk and we go to SAJMH
[Now playing: You're The Sunshine - Stevie Wonder - (2:54)]
[Now playing: Sally Suzas - Tom Jones & Jools Holland - (3:25)]
[Now playing: 19th Nervous Breakdown - The Rolling Stones - Forty Licks (3:57)]
So I get the thing off under supervision. Prob no spare - off to some gaff on eggy road (Aigburth) part with 11.99 for puncture repair. Then back and fit off to Tesco for a reduced price lunch, and back to JK,s. In the house and then colin comes round for a birthday drink oh we laffed.
Wednesday - Mouseman part 3
[Now playing: Dancing in the Street - Martha & the Vandellas - Rock & Roll Collection, Vol. 5 (2:38)]
The council mouse man calls no sign of the wee timorous beastie.[Now playing: I Love Rock And Roll - Joan Jett - (2:57)]
What an eclectiv random selection.Not much happened wednesday.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Tuesday - nearly up to date
Go for a walk in the park with JK - Sefton Park - Some nice pics here (not by me). The Palmhouse is good if a tad steamy. A brief history can be found here Then into Greenbank for a good talk and a bite, and a laff. Home Tea then its off to cell group part of Frontline at Jacks house. Good session and one of the pastors. So good I didnt get home till 10.30 and Mal has asked me to his house on Thursday.
Monday
Gym boy - good session - lunch at Greenbank. Meeting with the psychologist Emma who does personality inventories and plays card games for money ( I won 1.30) apparently testing my drive. Home via a Tesco shop. Dont do much in the evening.
Sunday - quiet morning
Sitting round with friends - poor breakfast but we get there.and enjoy friendly time togetherHome on a50 and I confess to enjoying a cooked english breakfast cant remember when last I did a fried egg. Get home its a lovely day and geezer on gardeners question time said it will pee down all week so I tackle the lawn. Good feeling having some energy. Tired and early night. Glad Frank told me I should not withdraw from things.
Saturday - a pleasant day with friends.
Up relatively early for a drive to East Midlands Airport. Meet the gang from the charity the healing qualities of being among friends makes the day go quick. The room is functional meeting room good, food is pants. But it is the holiday inn expresss. heres the gaff sort of business park surrounded by motorways. Everton draw thanks to a mckenzie supersub effort.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Commando in the crem
Up with the lark well a coffing sparrow to whip off to the crem. Checking that nannys entry in the book of remembrance is as it should be and all is well. I am nervous how people will take the epithet "I did it my way" but she did. Home then off to the gym I have to pack my bag, I confess that jean deals with most matters laundry except soilng. That's where I come in. Anyway lack of practice concentration and cack handedness conspire to cock things up. I get to the gym for a reduced length workout but I enjoy it and try to remember the +ive effects of endorphins. Then the best bit the shower I love it the warm glow feels good. Then chaos strikes I start to get dressed and curse that I have cocked up on the underwear front. Sure two pairs of socks is a bonus but not at the expense of underpants. I even try to cunningly fashion something out of the socks, first thought is a sumo nappy affair. No luck then its what JK would call a g-rope. No good, so at the tender age of 44 its "commando" for me. I don't like it at all not a jot. Having to remember to check my fly every ws millisecs is a pain. I think that my new underwear status is a publically obvious fact. It doesn't add much to the comfort factor.
Then its off to the Childe of Hales burial place where mam amuses herself lookig at graves and tossing coins on his grave. Then after half two its into the pub for a 25% off meal. We meet the Roberts family, I get me mums order wrong but the meal is good. Then its into Asda and I pick up a few essentials. Then drop mum and mary mum off top docs and me off to home and friday night at beas.Monday, April 25, 2005
Commando in the crem
Up with the lark well a coffing sparrow to whip off to the crem. Checking that nannys entry in the book of remembrance is as it should be and all is well. I am nervous how people will take the epithet "I did it my way" but she did. Home then off to the gym I have to pack my bag, I confess that jean deals with most matters laundry except soilng. That's where I come in. Anyway lack of practice concentration and cack handedness conspire to cock things up. I get to the gym for a reduced length workout but I enjoy it and try to remember the +ive effects of endorphins. Then the best bit the shower I love it the warm glow feels good. Then chaos strikes I start to get dressed and curse that I have cocked up on the underwear front. Sure two pairs of socks is a bonus but not at the expense of underpants. I even try to cunningly fashion something out of the socks, first thought is a sumo nappy affair. No luck then its what JK would call a g-rope. No good, so at the tender age of 44 its "commando" for me. I don't like it at all not a jot. Having to remember to check my fly every ws millisecs is a pain. I think that my new underwear status is a publically obvious fact. It doesn't add much to the comfort factor.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Thursday Frank
A busy mornin - dont get to the gym - pick mum up where I see dave and a much better Maria. Then its up to see auntie pat with her new conservatory, and john and betty are there.
Then back home and off to see Frank. moving forward with a plan, and move forward feeling better. Off to support group Frank says I have to move forward and re-integrate which feeels hard. Support group goes well and Darren Mayock from CJ medical supplies gives a talk on the history of banding and Louise from the sefton suite outlines what sounds like her heck of a job as bariatric co-ordinator. JK gets a rousing cheer and its good to see faces old and new.
Then back home and off to see Frank. moving forward with a plan, and move forward feeling better. Off to support group Frank says I have to move forward and re-integrate which feeels hard. Support group goes well and Darren Mayock from CJ medical supplies gives a talk on the history of banding and Louise from the sefton suite outlines what sounds like her heck of a job as bariatric co-ordinator. JK gets a rousing cheer and its good to see faces old and new.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Wednesday - bit of a wasted day
Waiting for mouse man. Jack from cell punctuates the morning with a welcome visit. Jack has a big clan Mouseman comes at 12.45, afternoon chats with Vineeta and Fiona. Had to nip to see JK in the afternoon - hes a bit troubled with abdo pain. Then its off to tea neighbourhood a pleasant caff in the day does a nice special for 12.95.
Jean has salmon and mackerel fishcakes, followed by chicken cacciatore me some sort of chicken rissole followed by thai prwab curry. Then its across the road to watch 1-0 1-0 history in the making in the halfway we happily wander home.
Jean has salmon and mackerel fishcakes, followed by chicken cacciatore me some sort of chicken rissole followed by thai prwab curry. Then its across the road to watch 1-0 1-0 history in the making in the halfway we happily wander home.
Tuesday - not much of note
Except for the first time in months I have a to-do list and complete it.
Musing on this motivated feeling and how to keep it. The interview with Emma made me wonder if I have PTSD. I need to research more.
Musing on this motivated feeling and how to keep it. The interview with Emma made me wonder if I have PTSD. I need to research more.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Google Maps - from: l16 8nl to: Bootle, Liverpool, L69
Google Maps - from: l16 8nl to: Bootle, Liverpool, L69Looks impressive at first glance
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Monday Off to Gym.
Up and motivated feeling a tad brighter. I reflect how far my exercise program has come.
1 hour and 5mins aerobic now. in the middle of which while listening to my portable mp3 tunes Caroline Rand pops in to the gym. Its funny seeing people from work, I really dont know what to say and I probably look very well. Though I was sweating like a pig (appropriately)
After lunch at Greenbak its off to Moss house is that an old NMCT site. I was off to see a researh assistant to the prof.
Here are the details
INVITATION TO TAKE PART
We are a group of psychiatrists, clinical psychologists and statisticians who work for the Universities of Liverpool and Manchester.You have been contacted us in one of two ways. Your doctor or your nurse may have asked you if your name and details could be passed to us. If so, your doctor or nurse will have written down in your notes that you agreed to be contacted by us. You may have contacted us because you have seen an advert for this research.
We are asking you to take part because you have bipolar disorder and your doctor or nurse say you are well, you have depression or have mania.
We are trying to find out if some patterns of thinking may lead to the start of being ill with depression or mania.
Before you decide if you want to take part in this research study, please read these pages telling you about the study. Please talk with our researcher Emma van der Gucht. She will explain the study to you and answer any questions you may have. Please discuss the study with friends, relatives, Trust staff or your GP if you wish.
You do not have to take part in this study. Taking part will not change your treatment in any way.
BACKGROUND TO THE STUDY
Bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness in which people may become severely depressed or get mania. In mania, a person may feel excited and very cheerful. Unfortunately in mania the persons judgement is affected so they may do reckless things that they would not normally do. Sometimes their actions cause harm to themselves or other people. Often people later regret what they did when they were ill with mania.
Our research team and others have found out that some patterns of thinking in people with bipolar disorder are different from healthy people. These patterns of thinking are different from normal even when the person with bipolar disorder feels well.
Some of these patterns of thinking are similar to the patterns of thinking that people with depression get. However, there are also some differences. People with bipolar disorder may do things to cope with these patterns of thinking. The ways in which they cope may sometimes make illness from depression or mania more likely, especially if they do not sleep well.
AIMS OF THE STUDY
We are trying to find out if certain patterns of thinking, coping and sleep are seen more often in people with bipolar disorder than healthy people.
We are also trying to see if the same processes are present but show a different pattern when the person has mania or depression compared with when they are ill.
We are trying to learn if some of these thinking patterns and coping are linked to some types of symptoms in mania or depression.
The researcher is nice though late - but I am quite happy in a waiting room though I am perturbed by the reading matter.
FHM, Maxim Loaded and Nuts not exactly top shelf but higher than I ever get, one copy of wedding and a changing room book. SHe asks me lots of questions and at our next meeting I will do questionairres, record my memories and play a card game. Whoopity doo! Still I actually believe in taking part in this if it helps.
University Challenge tonight - top stuff.
1 hour and 5mins aerobic now. in the middle of which while listening to my portable mp3 tunes Caroline Rand pops in to the gym. Its funny seeing people from work, I really dont know what to say and I probably look very well. Though I was sweating like a pig (appropriately)
[Now playing: Mannish Boy - Muddy Waters - Various Artists - Originals Vol.1 [UK] (5:16)]
Caroline sent me a get well card last week - I forgot to post that fact. Then Phil Wadeson my boss came past the gym - didnt know what to say. I have a natural tendency to think I shouldnt be out when I am off sick. With depression thats the worse thing you can do, isolating myself scared to see anyone. Tis a hard one. I will check things out with Frank - I miss the people on the website too. I feel like a hermit.After lunch at Greenbak its off to Moss house is that an old NMCT site. I was off to see a researh assistant to the prof.
Here are the details
Study Title: How do the Symptoms of Depression and Mania Develop in Bipolar Disorder?
INVITATION TO TAKE PART
We are a group of psychiatrists, clinical psychologists and statisticians who work for the Universities of Liverpool and Manchester.You have been contacted us in one of two ways. Your doctor or your nurse may have asked you if your name and details could be passed to us. If so, your doctor or nurse will have written down in your notes that you agreed to be contacted by us. You may have contacted us because you have seen an advert for this research.
We are asking you to take part because you have bipolar disorder and your doctor or nurse say you are well, you have depression or have mania.
We are trying to find out if some patterns of thinking may lead to the start of being ill with depression or mania.
Before you decide if you want to take part in this research study, please read these pages telling you about the study. Please talk with our researcher Emma van der Gucht. She will explain the study to you and answer any questions you may have. Please discuss the study with friends, relatives, Trust staff or your GP if you wish.
You do not have to take part in this study. Taking part will not change your treatment in any way.
BACKGROUND TO THE STUDY
Bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness in which people may become severely depressed or get mania. In mania, a person may feel excited and very cheerful. Unfortunately in mania the persons judgement is affected so they may do reckless things that they would not normally do. Sometimes their actions cause harm to themselves or other people. Often people later regret what they did when they were ill with mania.
Our research team and others have found out that some patterns of thinking in people with bipolar disorder are different from healthy people. These patterns of thinking are different from normal even when the person with bipolar disorder feels well.
Some of these patterns of thinking are similar to the patterns of thinking that people with depression get. However, there are also some differences. People with bipolar disorder may do things to cope with these patterns of thinking. The ways in which they cope may sometimes make illness from depression or mania more likely, especially if they do not sleep well.
AIMS OF THE STUDY
We are trying to find out if certain patterns of thinking, coping and sleep are seen more often in people with bipolar disorder than healthy people.
We are also trying to see if the same processes are present but show a different pattern when the person has mania or depression compared with when they are ill.
We are trying to learn if some of these thinking patterns and coping are linked to some types of symptoms in mania or depression.
The researcher is nice though late - but I am quite happy in a waiting room though I am perturbed by the reading matter.
FHM, Maxim Loaded and Nuts not exactly top shelf but higher than I ever get, one copy of wedding and a changing room book. SHe asks me lots of questions and at our next meeting I will do questionairres, record my memories and play a card game. Whoopity doo! Still I actually believe in taking part in this if it helps.
University Challenge tonight - top stuff.
Monday Off to Gym.
Up and motivated feeling a tad brighter. I reflect how far my exercise program has come.
1 hour and 5mins aerobic now. in the middle of which while listening to my portable mp3 tunes Caroline Rand pops in to the gym. Its funny seeing people from work, I really dont know what to say and I probably look very well. Though I was sweating like a pig (appropriately)
University Challenge tonight - top stuff.
1 hour and 5mins aerobic now. in the middle of which while listening to my portable mp3 tunes Caroline Rand pops in to the gym. Its funny seeing people from work, I really dont know what to say and I probably look very well. Though I was sweating like a pig (appropriately)
[Now playing: Mannish Boy - Muddy Waters - Various Artists - Originals Vol.1 [UK] (5:16)]
Caroline sent me a get well card last week - I forgot to post that fact. Then Phil Wadeson my boss came past the gym - didnt know what to say. I have a natural tendency to think I shouldnt be out when I am off sick. With depression thats the worse thing you can do, isolating myself scared to see anyone. Tis a hard one. I will check things out with Frank - I miss the people on the website too. I feel like a hermit.University Challenge tonight - top stuff.
Sunday.
Bea came round for lunch - Ruth and Paul away in Newcastle. Alan working. Roast Chicken and Roasties veg etc.
After she goes we motivate ourselves into cleaning out the understairs cupboards - where mouse evidence has been spotted.
Mouse man back on Wednesday. Quiet evening.
[Now playing: Papa Was A Rolling Stone - The Temptations - All Directions (6:56)]
After she goes we motivate ourselves into cleaning out the understairs cupboards - where mouse evidence has been spotted.
[Now playing: Yaketty Yak - Coasters, The - (1:52)]
Mouse man back on Wednesday. Quiet evening.
[Now playing: Now I'm Here - Queen - Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 (0:-1)]
Saturday Continues
Then it was off to JK to see him Jody and Esme his results are somewhat shocking Take a look. We have a damn good laff then its home and some chinese food. Not much on the telly except a cracking episode of Doctor Who. I seemed to be the only person that noticed or was offended they had chosen to be fat farting aliens. I am concerned that another generations obesophobic traits will continue.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
- ark - bar & restaurant
- ark - bar & restaurantJean and I did lunch here today.
Mussels cooked in a white wine, garlic & cream sauce with crunchy ciabatta for me followed by ice cream.
Crispy duck salad, white radish, bean shoots with a sesame & soy dressing and vanilla cheesecake for jean good service then jeans off for a haircut at this world wide chain
Mussels cooked in a white wine, garlic & cream sauce with crunchy ciabatta for me followed by ice cream.
Crispy duck salad, white radish, bean shoots with a sesame & soy dressing and vanilla cheesecake for jean good service then jeans off for a haircut at this world wide chain
Snackspot.org.uk: Premier snack reviews portal for the UK
Snackspot.org.uk: Premier snack reviews portal for the UKThe earlier site led to this which makes me smile too.
Friday, April 15, 2005
In the clinic
Whilst waiting for the prof I read Trust Maters the journal for staff and service users. It is a bit out of date. It refers to the website Found here go look at it see how not to it. I mean some of the some I do is pants but the memorable page titles http://www.merseycare.nhs.uk/content-2 and who can forget http://www.merseycare.nhs.uk/content-531 great.
Home no cell tonight - Colin calls round after the statutory Bea visit and Jean has spied a mouse in the dining room which has fled into the kichen - nice. I contact Liverpool Direct who for 17 quid will send a man tomorrow. Do me.
Home no cell tonight - Colin calls round after the statutory Bea visit and Jean has spied a mouse in the dining room which has fled into the kichen - nice. I contact Liverpool Direct who for 17 quid will send a man tomorrow. Do me.
[Now playing: Dancing in the Street - Martha & the Vandellas - Rock & Roll Collection, Vol. 5 (2:38)]
The missing comments do not appear - darn
So I need to post up manaually again.
Frustrating in extremis.
So Tuesday the day strated fairly uneventful, jean coming home at lunchtime to accompany me to see Prof Morriss. I pick up a cheap sushi in chuckout corner and it seems strange to be eating sushi in Garston. Whose clinical skills are considerably better than his Powerpoint. A top man even though his messages arent always great to hear. I am once again reminded of the exceptionally high standard of doc I have supporting my numerous problems.
Frustrating in extremis.
So Tuesday the day strated fairly uneventful, jean coming home at lunchtime to accompany me to see Prof Morriss. I pick up a cheap sushi in chuckout corner and it seems strange to be eating sushi in Garston. Whose clinical skills are considerably better than his Powerpoint. A top man even though his messages arent always great to hear. I am once again reminded of the exceptionally high standard of doc I have supporting my numerous problems.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Thursday I seemed to have lost a post about wednesday
so I am not posting anymore till I see if it appears - I have little confidence though.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Monday good gym
Excellent workout really enjoyed it
Lunch was a tikka wrap and then off to Tesco to purchase the remainder of ingredients for tea.
Lots of ideas whilst I am working out - douby any will come to much. Letter from RCN. Also a conference flyer billing me in June. Feel crap about letting people down but feel I wont be able to go. Will discuss with prof, who I see on tuesday.
Then a bit more spaced
[Now playing: Marc Bolan & T. Rex - I Love To Boogie -]
Lunch was a tikka wrap and then off to Tesco to purchase the remainder of ingredients for tea.
Lots of ideas whilst I am working out - douby any will come to much. Letter from RCN. Also a conference flyer billing me in June. Feel crap about letting people down but feel I wont be able to go. Will discuss with prof, who I see on tuesday.
[Now playing: Paul Simon - Mother And Child Reunion - - (03:10)]
Then a bit more spaced
[Now playing: Homeworld (The Ladder) - Yes - The Ladder (09:34)]
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Lennon World - John Lennon
Lennon World - John Lennon Found this will be of interest to Ally I am sure.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Friday, April 08, 2005
Friday already.
positive mood continues.
Good gym wednesday and aerobics made considerably easier by new mp3 player a little number with the worse translated handbook I have ever seen subsequently I need to flick each track forward. Then again I have never learnt how to navigate media player and it despite billy gates assertions is not intuitive. Playlists????
Daves birthday on wednesday, dropped a card off at mums saw mary, convinced its thursday. Went to winwick for a quiz.
Had a good time we won, cricketers had a penalty - I surprise myself by knowing that dick and dom are the new hosts of ask the family. (I dont even know who D&D are).
Thursday bit achey had a good sleep in and got to JK's late. We hit Hale village (land of of fauntleroy - Baron Jones )- park up at the childe of Hale and walk to the lighthouse - Blowey as hell but I enjoy it.
Good lunch I have a healthy ploughmans and then blow it with a pud but hey lifes for living
Good gym wednesday and aerobics made considerably easier by new mp3 player a little number with the worse translated handbook I have ever seen subsequently I need to flick each track forward. Then again I have never learnt how to navigate media player and it despite billy gates assertions is not intuitive. Playlists????
[Now playing: Not Fade Away - Buddy Holly - The Very Best Of Buddy Holly [UK] (02:23)]
Daves birthday on wednesday, dropped a card off at mums saw mary, convinced its thursday. Went to winwick for a quiz.
[Now playing: Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morisson - ?????????? (03:03)]
Had a good time we won, cricketers had a penalty - I surprise myself by knowing that dick and dom are the new hosts of ask the family. (I dont even know who D&D are).
[Now playing: Stand by me - Ben King - Buffett Live - Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays (02:55)]
Thursday bit achey had a good sleep in and got to JK's late. We hit Hale village (land of of fauntleroy - Baron Jones )- park up at the childe of Hale and walk to the lighthouse - Blowey as hell but I enjoy it.
[Now playing: What's Up - 4 Non Blondes - Various Artists - The Very Best Of Drive Time [UK] Disc 1 (04:11)]
Good lunch I have a healthy ploughmans and then blow it with a pud but hey lifes for living
[Now playing: Meatloaf - Bat Out Of Hell - - (09:48)]
.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Definitely on the right road
[Now playing: Toto - Rosanna - - (05:34)]
Tuesday was a better day - something is right, cant recall to have done much but managed to write a few letters.
Monday, April 04, 2005
was proud of daughter today -good feeling
[Now playing: Clash - London Calling - System Of A Down - Toxicity Radio (03:21)]
made me smile
new posting method
I should point out posted from starbucks via laptop and dial up via mobile and bluetooth.
Monday up with the lark
feel useful as a dad by dropping ally off at Hammy where she starts her work experience today.I spy maurice smith doing the school run. Job done its off for good deed number 2 - pick up jk and jody and take em to see mr K at Walton. Spy leanne and sheila in there and a brief glimpse of mary trimble in the diabetes centre. Then its over to see Mr J sainsbury and indulge in a bacon butty which serves as lunch. Spy Lisa Leckie in a top level meeting.
Take them home and have a jolly good laff with them - they have fine senses of humour.
Take them home and have a jolly good laff with them - they have fine senses of humour.
up and running again I think
feeling slightly better- well less worse- some spark of energy over the weekend. As usual the promise of recovery tempered by the fear of a manic episode. Good weekend and selfishly spend some me time. Spent Saturday afternoon chewing the fat with jk (he has'nt got much laft
Friday, April 01, 2005
Blog shut pro tem
[Now playing: Clash - London Calling - System Of A Down - Toxicity Radio (03:21)]
Head full of candy floss (wel thats how it feels).
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